Can i not drive my cunt home
Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
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