Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
thats the mark of a good guy. when you can period all over his leg and he still thinks you're beautiful!
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
It involved anal and pop rocks. Tell me how that could have ended well.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Randomize
