I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i cleaned out my closet and found 7 beers from 2007. ive had 3 so far.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
Randomize
