The maid of honor just puked.
and i looked up. we had an audience...
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
Well at least ssomeone is or the state is tafing over ir in twligiob
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
Randomize
