Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I guess I should mention that I have already fucked the Fed Ex guy.
That changes everything.
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
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