woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
adderall just fell out of my nose in class. guy next to me just nodded.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
Why are there chunks of your hair in everyones pocket?
I decided to mark my territory.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
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