were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
In my life time, I want nothing more than to get a blow job while watching Space Jam.
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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