guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I am good. I dancing. Drinking but dancing fine.
you traded sex for a burrito?
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
Got blown by one of the bridesmaids. Family BBQ today. They all know. Talk about awkward.
You kept telling the cops that our ice luge was practice for the next winter olympics
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Im gonna go for the gay guy. The ginger is freaking me out.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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