Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
I slept with a married guy last night and then broke my toe on the doorframe on the way out. I've never seen karma work so fast.
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
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