Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
They called security on the security guard who tried to break up the party in their suite. You tell me how drunk they were.
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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