Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
Randomize
