Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Green mimosas i think yes
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
Your roommates boyfriend just approached me while I was working to tell me about the staph infection he got on his face. Where do you find these people?
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
My underwear said "hard to get" on the butt. He laughed when he took them off.
Are you coming to the bday night? i'll be doing a life-like reenactment of traveling through Bonnie's vaginal canal and taking my first breath of life. Don't think you'll want to miss it.
I can bring a slip n slide and curtains.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
