i have a feeling he has a nice dick. i can just sense it.
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Immediately after sex he layed on the floor and acted like my yellow bra was pac man
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
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