It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Church boner. Awkwardddd
he came up my nose again i swear he does this just to piss me off
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
Just saw a guy with two baby turtles sneaking into the building
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Randomize
