census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Ecstasy should be its own food group.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
No, we will not be going out tonight. We are trying to grow the toy donkey in whiskey rather than water. Serious fucking science. Have fun at the boring bar while we Bill Nye it up in this bitch.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Also I know now I was meant to be a comedian. Had both arresting officers laughing.
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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