Just cropdusted the office
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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