It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
if someoen knew that someone accidentally drunkly kissed your boyfriend would you want them to tell you/?
followup question: what if both somones were me?
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
I was thinking that, but I'm not sure the proper etiquette on asking about someone's nipple rings. Even if you did see them and compliment them once.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
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