thank you for a lively/lovely evening :)
should have blown me.
the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Bc when the owner of your local gay bar and a drag king ask you to take them to a rival gay bar 2hrs away at 4 in the morning YOU GO.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
