Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
I told her I had the flu when in reality I did way too many drugs last night, haven't slept and don't want to sit through a 3 hour buisness meeting trying to figure out which voices are real and which are in my head
they're both probably 7 inches? or 8? I'm shoving a ruler in my mouth trying to figure it out
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
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