so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
She walked out and announced that he was now part of our confused, incestuous, glorious eskimo family. I've never been more proud.
Campus is too small for this to keep happening
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
Randomize
