we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
In mid-threesome, need more condoms. Wearing a sheet to the gas station. I'll keep you posted
it is a toga and you are a goddess.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
What the hell kind of sad excuse for a bottom are you
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
