There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
i think maybe i'll just not watch it. i'd rather not think of you as a magical transforming set of dick holes.
Guess which fraternity was just playing car to car frisbee in the McDonald's drive thru! Did you guess mine?
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I might go bald with this hair pulling thing every night.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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