She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
Somebody left a mini pitcher in the bathroom. Think its safe?
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
Look, all I'm looking for is a good time and someone whose chest I can bury my face in
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
Randomize
