We discussed our relationship status. We're dating exclusively. And the conversation was followed by him saying "C'mon baby, let's make you orgasm!" .....I'm gonna marry him.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
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