I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
It's 4/20 and I spent the morning in the gym and am working later tonight. I don't even have any weed. Why am I adult-ing again?
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
