Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
Randomize
