I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
Lesbian sex in an alleyway drunk.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
