I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
Just when I thought we may have our first low-key night together, I sang an Aladdin karaoke song to a bunch of roller derby girls, you took shots with married women, and we both fell asleep in our offices.
Randomize
