the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
it's kinda bad that we're already planning travel arrangements to his funeral
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
Hm, finding a time when my drinking and your real life don't conflict could be difficult
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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