i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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