somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
