I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
Want a slice of this weekend's hottest piece of ass?
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I smell like playdoh, sex, and ruined lives. I love the weekend
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
Pooping to opera.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize
