you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I'm at the point where I'm more upset that he got to keep my bottle of Fireball than that he stopped talking to me with no explanation
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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