I love sluts.
I end my prayers with that every single night.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
He fucked a girl named Oreo... He deserved syphilis.
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
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