she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
pedialite and red bull = repair kit
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
shes perfect for him. shes never seen a penis so she has nothing to compare his to.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
