hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
This Christmas I would like to thank Jesus for cocaine.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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