you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
The secrurity code on my debit card is 420, can not lose this card.
What a dumb baby whore.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I woke up smelling like chlorine with a broke toe. They know how to fucking party on lake lanier.
I feel like I got ass raped in the brain.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I love you too, but sadly you're not as good at getting me out of bed as cocaine.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
My new roommate looks like a troll. Or a serial killer. So if I disappear, show this text to the cops.
Randomize
