i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
Like if I don't roll around in my puke, the night will be a failure.
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
Just found out a shooting happened in our parking lot while it was closed this morning. So thaaaaaaaaats fun.
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