You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
