I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I was in holding with a guy that got a DUI on a hover round. He was so nice. We're hanging out tonight.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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