this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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