I want to punch and suck your dick at the same time. I don't think we have the healthiest of relationships.
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
The gay viking and his eqyptian 'queen' hooked up on our couches. They pushed them together to make a bed. Innovative, but awkward to come home from work to at 7 am.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I made her orgasm until she cried. Four years of only having sex with dudes and I've still got it.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I didn't know how wild the party was going to be until one girl brought her pet raccoon
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
