Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
do you ever just like the smell of your farts?
Brutally Honest is my real middle name, Princess just sounds better.
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
He's crying and calling me out on using him. It's awful. And I'm too drunk to leave.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
Randomize
