please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Yea. It was an issue. Great time though. Apparently I went through the coat check, put my coat on and forgot I had it so I tried to go through again and just didn't understand why thy weren't helping me. Dave coat checked his pants.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
I am officially in a love triangle with my celebrity crush
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I have all the porn. Be there soon
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