Sandra Bullock looks like the most recent Michael Jackson
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
These margaritas aren't just going to regret themselves.
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
not sure when or how we ended up at this wedding party but you need to be here they are handing out screwdrivers and Yamakas to everyone and it's a got damn open bar you need to be here now
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
Randomize
