My nipple is on Facebook.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I think ppl see us as an unstoppable drunken force
Actually I think I might be dying right now so if I do you have to drink all my vodka
You're so demanding.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
