Kelly, is this rhetorical, or sarcastic? You are very kind & quite beautiful, but we never really evolved into anything & your prevailing ambivalence spoke more than words ever could.
"We" really do not exist-if we ever did. Both of us may have been hoping for more than was possible.
I would enjoy sitting down to talk about the dissolution, but think it may end up being counter productive.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
I need a gatorade, my back cracked, my crimper, my shot glass, a sock of rice and an explanation.
You did this to yourself.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
