How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
Randomize
