Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
You don't have asthma, your pregnant
i just made out with my boyfriends father...and so did jess
last night you decided it was time to "get organized" and "straighten out your life." You pulled out a bag of troll dolls, sorted through them and got nostalgic. You demanded both andy and i take one and keep it forever.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
New dating criteria: what kind of ex will this person be?
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
