3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
tonight, alcohol would be proud of us
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
