Peanut Butter and turkey sandwich...this may come back to haunt me
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
Did I, at any point last night, say I was dying?
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
