it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
