Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
Randomize
