Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
dude, I'm listening to "I believe I can fly", i'm high, and driving. this is so amazing.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
we just saw you getting yelled at by the cops for trying to 'hijack' a street sweeper...how have you not been arrested yet?
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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