I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
She was eating leaves off of trees and saying it was salad, and even told a guy in passing that her favorite color was plaid.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
