Sorry, I have to go home and feed my nepotisms
Sorry, I can't talk, there's a herd of nepotisms headed my way
I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
You do realize how pathetic it is when the woman who does your bikini waxes has seen your vagina more than I have
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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